It took me eighteen years to learn that living well with a disability means that you move from denial to dealing.

This insight came on Friday, April 20, 2001, when I first presented myself as a person with a disability.

I had volunteered to speak on a panel of consumers before a group of rehabilitation counselors. Our moderator had asked us to talk about resiliency and getting beyond the disability (the “Dealing – Denial” continuum). We told our stories instead, leaving our audience to draw their own inferences. I don’t think that they were disappointed.

My brain disorder had been with me since 1973. It affects my right side in ways that mimic a minor stroke. I thought I was dealing with it by presenting myself as a “whole,” competent person, and as a professional. The act was based on denial, however, and it fell apart in 1998. By 2001 I was creeping into the “Dealing” range.

“Willy” spoke first. He arrived in the world with cerebral palsy. His loving parents had stood up to the doctors. They had nurtured him and insisted that their son receive a full education.

Thanks to their love, he thrived. He became a leader in the disability community. In his will to contribute to society, I could see something of what I strive to be.

“Mack” talked next. He told a story of heroin and alcohol addiction and mental illness and marital failure. The account was harrowing at times, and he related it without flinching. He showed wisdom that comes from suffering. I recognized myself in much of what he related.

The moderator nodded, and I began my story of rehabilitation without guidance. I was okay verbally – the story tells itself – but the voltage dropped in the right half of my power grid. Bob Dole’s image flickered behind my eyes as I found myself grasping a pen in an unmoving right hand.

The voltage came back to full when I finished. We talked among ourselves about how it helps to compare experiences of disability with others who have been there.

People who come hard against the mysteries of suffering tell stories. Like the messengers who bring news of disaster to the Biblical Job, they are alone. The King James Bible stresses the state: “I only am escaped alone to tell thee.”

By telling our stories to others, we begin to make sense of chaotic and painful events. We invite others into our solitary selves. There is healing in sharing with others.

Healing happens in unexpected ways and places. The panel discussion was one of those healing events.